Monday, June 1, 2015

What I've learned

Hey, yes you get a letter today...
Sorry I'm writing so late, my plans... really didn't work out. I was gonna write on the phone of the assistants but then there were problems with the internet and there was the fact that everything was Auto corrected to Spanish, and I just ended up getting frustrated. 

Other than that, how is everyone?
Lately I've been reading a lot of the New Testament. I'm trying to finish it in Spanish before I get back.
I got to this part, though, the other day where Pablo (Paul) decides to write about things that we should do and not do. He mentions how we should have "amor sin que sea fingido". Our love should not be pretended.
And so I was left with the thought "how does that happen" or "what is it like" and ultimately "have I been that way?"
I've come to that realization it's very, very easy to be selective with the love we have for people.
That a lot of the time, I've expressed the love I have, to the people, here in Mexico, whether it be members or random people in the street or whomever.

While on the inside I'm still holding something back.
It's one of the grand weaknesses I've discovered on my mission. It's not easy for me to trust in someone else.
As Elder Holland put it (paraphrasing of course) that love isn't the kinda "dip one foot in the pool" to test the water type of thing. It's more of the "run and jump in together all at once" type of thing.
I hate that. But what I hate more is that I notice it every time I do it. It's so easy to put limits. It's like being a kid and separating your friends into 2 groups. The friends that I would invite to my house and play with, and the friends at school that are kinda cool, but I don't have that much confidence to let them come to my house.
I feel like I've lived a long life of hypocrisy and mediocrity in a lot of different ways. And after all this time.. I just want to be a good person, you know? Good missionary eh, ya my time has passed, but I can be a good person.
I had the opportunity to read about when I first started the mission this week, and reflect back. You wanna know something? Some of the companions I had at the beginning of my mission were the most ridiculous people I've ever met. I was frustrated all the time.
But I learned a valuable lesson. Not about patience, or obedience, or any of that. It was about having love not pretended. About becoming a true friend. About not judging people, or trying to be a perfectionist, or any of that, but about enjoying the time I have here. Being grateful for what I have.
Learning also to care about the well being of someone, more than the friendship I have with them.
Lots of good stuff.
That's my plan for this week. Thank you guys for everything you've taught me. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that.
Love you guys,

Also fun bonus fact for this week.
So in Mexico, Star Wars is not that popular. But if you ever ask a Hispanic what the robot's name is instead of R2D2.... everyone here thinks it's Arturito. (like Arturo... but little Arturo. Artur-ito)

It's to the point where if you look up R2D2 and Arturito, the same thing comes up.

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